1 Feb

Donald trump actually looks like pretty much any animal on the planet. Here, I’ve found one in which he looks exactly like an Amazon Horned Frog (Trump is, in fact, on the right).

The polls are giving him a very real chance of getting the Republican nomination for the US presidential election, but will he really get it? After all, what usually happens is that voters get cold feet at the last minute and vote for the person that’s actually, realistically in with a chance of securing the presidency.

The Republican party needs to win this given that folks are getting used to them essentially being school yard bullies in Congress. Unilaterally noncompliant, they’ve been playing that role for 8 years. So they really need to win. But does anyone really think #DuckFaceDonaldTrump will make a good president?

Those who argue ‘yes’ will cite the fact that he’s a billionaire so he must be really clever, and he hates foreigners and wants to get rid of all of them (which he can do safely now that his Scotch mother is no longer with us) so that Americans can have a nice time – even the really lazy, stupid ones. They’ll also say that Obama has no balls, isn’t even American and is a terrorist sympathiser because he doesn’t want to go and make things even worse in the Middle East. Whereas TRUMP is a billionaire who’s done very well at making a lot of money FOR HIMSELF by being a great American and is champing at the bit to ‘go kick ISIS’s ass’ (screamed  Sarah ‘nailin’’ Palin at a recent Trump-pump).

I’m guessing no-one’s noticed the fact that many very intelligent people are not billionaires (myself included), while some of the stupidest things ever said and done have been said and done by billionaires. Furthermore, some of the most hideous characters in human history have been billionaires. And obviously no-one’s noticed that there are also some really nice billionaires – much nicer ones than #DuckFaceDonaldTrump. If you want a billionaire, there are tons of them.

As far as kicking Isis’s ass is concerned, it’s happening now and it looks as if it’s starting to work. Isis relies on mercenaries who have no sense of duty whatsoever once the cash dries up. Trump says ‘we’ll hit their oil.’ We’re already doing that. When Isis announced it was halving the pay of its fighters, they began to quit. Isis is on the rack. We don’t need Donald to deal with them.

But all of the above would be to miss the point. Donald Trump is not a person, he’s a plan. And if the plan works, then the Republicans will be standing on the verge of victory in the American election. You’d be forgiven for wondering just who the other party is at the moment. What on earth are the Democrats up to?! We hear very little, if anything, if anything juicy from that camp. That’s the genius of the Trump dump.

Donald Trump makes his internal rivals look like beautiful, secular messiahs. With virtually 100% of the hype having been hijacked by the Republican Party, know this: Trump won’t win the US election, but the chances of a Republican president are getting mighty high. You’re being used, mate.

Augustin Eden