It’s not the premium end of the market, granted, but a brief perusal of a BHS (short for ‘British Home Stores,’ for all you youngsters out there) is likely to be just that. Brief. I’m no fashion expert but there’s only one word to describe BHS style, and that’s vanilla. If only it sold ice cream.

Unfortunately for BHS, it doesn’t sell ice cream. Doesn’t sell much, in fact – it’s just got the administrators in. This is a stark reminder to all who would strive to be the UK’s leading retailer of beige clothing and t-shirts that say ‘Hawaii 69 Surf Shack’ on the front in that the stuff’s reasonably priced, plain and functional, but it’s also way not cool. Not cool really matters these days. While there may have been a market for such clothing years ago when we weren’t all programmed to feel a lot richer than we really are, today there’s little chance you’d see the depressed kid from One Direction wearing any of that gear. Therefore, no one wants to buy that gear.

To set the scene for my academic evaluation: There are a couple of rules nowadays. Firstly, you don’t wear jeans unless they’ve been artificially aged with sand paper, bleached at the knees and ripped to within an inch or their useful life, and you don’t wear anything else unless its been….artificially aged with sandpaper and ripped to within an inch of its useful life. Bleaching and other artificial fading techniques are no longer sported on their own by delinquent celebrities and at no point will you find clothing in BHS that’s been artificially aged with sand paper. Fact.

Is it the management’s fault? Not really. The outgoing owner of BHS, Dominic Chappell, is a 49 year old ex-racing driver who no doubt grew up when people wore clothes for the purposes of protection, clothes that got naturally aged by things like hod carrying, gardening, driving tractors and crawling around in the attic, none of which anyone does these days. Besides, he picked it up for £1. I think I’ve got £1. If someone offered me the choice between a bottle of Lucozade for £1 and a stalwart of the UK retail scene for £1, I’d take the stalwart. I mean, ‘WHAT COULD GO WRONG?’

Social media has narrowed the gap between us and our idols. Multimillionaire superstars are telling us to switch our lights off and help the world’s poor get access to sanitation and clean water. All good, honourable stuff. But my point is that there’s a reason celebrities have to do this: we only listen to them, we look up to them. We think they’re our mates. When they all start wearing ripped jeans we listen to them too. Topshop knows that. Next knows that. Their clothes are stretched, sanded, left under UV lights, soaked in caustic soda – virtually destroyed, just how the guy from One Direction likes it, before they reach the peg. It’s just how we like it too.

So seeing the demise of BHS naturally brings us to a case in point, that being the fate that awaits any leading high street retailer should it fall so dramatically behind the curve. Is there really a big enough market for the vanilla (not the ice cream) to accommodate even those who are left – Marks & Spencer and Debenhams? Shares have not reacted too badly to the news about BHS, but shareholders must surely be a little uncomfortable. Granted, there will be some market share to mop up for these two, but for how long will demand for vanilla fashion remain sufficient to support the now two major players? If the pop stars have anything to say about it, not long.

Augustin Eden, Research Analyst (25 Apr)